Still waiting for Prince Charming to fall into your lap? Newsflash: you have to be proactive in your love life!
Finding “The One” is kind of like landing your dream job. It’s rare that a lazy dater stumbles into long-lasting love. You have to work hard, face some challenges, and you might even get “fired” (aka dumped) until you find the perfect fit.
It’s easy to burn out along the way, so it’s important to have a realistic dating mindset so that you can manage your frustrations and maintain motivation to create a happy love life.
Here are 4 dating mentalities to keep in mind while searching for your perfect match:
1) Your self-worth comes from within, not from other people.
You can be single and happy. You’re in charge of creating your own fulfilling life, and the right person will add to it, but not be your entire world. So, what things do you do just for you?
While you’re dating, it’s important to create joy in your life outside of your love life. That means doing activities and hobbies about which you’re passionate and that give you a sense of independence.
It’s a plus if these things help you prioritize your own physical and mental health, such as quality time with friends, meditation, exercise, yoga, and spending time in nature. That’s because you’re not at your best unless your physiological needs are met.
For a confidence boost, tell yourself something positive every day, even if it feels silly, or you don’t believe it. How about, “I deserve love and happiness,” “I am beautiful,” “I am a catch”.
2) If you want to date a high-quality partner, you have to demonstrate that you’re a quality person.
In addition to having your own fulfilling life, the energy you put out into the world is hugely important in attracting a great partner.
First, approach life with an open, positive attitude. Be friendly, say yes to social activities, and strike up conversations wherever you go.
This means you’ll have to take off your headphones, put your phone away. Stop using your technologies as a security blanket!
Open body language suggests you’re approachable and that you won’t reject someone when they come say hello. Smile and make eye contact with the people around you.
Show someone that you’re attracted to them by laughing and breaking the touch barrier by simply putting your hand on their shoulder or wrist. This sends green light signals that you’re interested.
3) Dating is a numbers game, so you just have to keep going.
The majority of your relationships won’t work out—that’s the truth. Ideally, just one of your partners will be there for the long run, which means dating to some degree is a numbers game. You have to get your reps up!
Basically, you’re collecting dating “data” with every date and relationship you enter into about what works best for you. After each date or relationship, reflect on what you learned about yourself, what you’re willing to compromise about in the future, and what are your deal breakers—I call these your “love lessons learned.”
There’s no crystal ball that will tell you when you’ll meet your perfect match. But, the more people you date, the greater the opportunity of finding that special someone.
Be honest with yourself about how much effort you’re actually putting in. Active daters should be logging into online sites and apps every day to respond to and send messages, as well as attending social, networking, and other events on a weekly basis to break out of your routine and meet new people.
4) Dating is both personal and impersonal at the same time.
When you walk down the street and pass 100 people, are you attracted to all of them? No, of course not. Well, they aren’t all attracted to you either, and that’s okay as long as you don’t let this bruise your ego too much.
Focus on the people that give you attention, meet your needs, and reciprocate emotions. Chasing someone for affection can be an exciting challenge, but strong relationships are created when each partner is reliable, consistent, and allows you to feel safe and secure being vulnerable.
You’ll know if someone is truly into you if he or she consistently communicates, puts in efforts to plan dates, is excited to meet your friends or family, and doesn’t disappear or “ghost” for days and weeks at a time. You can also ask yourself, “Do I like myself when I’m with this person? Does he or she bring out the best in me?”
Stop making excuses for being treated poorly—you deserve someone who makes you a priority.
Dating is about becoming a better expert on yourself, and loving who you are so that you can attract the right partner. Remember that this person has to fit comfortably into your life. Allow your beautiful personality to shine and tell yourself you are worthy of love.
Finding “The One” is only half the battle—next, you have to create a happily ever after. Download Samantha Burns’ FREE ebook on the secret ingredients to cooking up a happy love life!
Samantha is hosting a singles event for Boston’s best bachelors and bachelorettes on Sunday May 15 from 2-5pm at MiniBar. Ticket is only $39 and includes a drink, apps, Georgetown Cupcakes, dating advice, mini-makeovers, and 2-3 professional headshots that you can use in your dating profile, and fantastic giveaways! Grab a friend or come solo: https://lovesuccessfully
Samantha is also cohosting a FREE virtual dating summit for women, Spring Forward Into Love, where you can watch interviews with 20 of the country’s top love experts, psychologists, therapists and coaches. It’s time to reignite your dating life, restore romance, become the confident woman men love and create meaningful relationships that last!
The Millennial Love Expert, Samantha Burns, is a Licensed Counselor and Dating Coach who works with individuals and couples around the country to create love lives that thrive. She is the author of Breaking Up & Bouncing Back, writer for websites such as Elite Daily, Brides, Your Tango, and Good Men Project, and she tackles all things love, whether it’s breaking up, dating, increasing relationship satisfaction or coping with infidelity. Download her free ebook on the secret ingredients to cook up a happy love life and her free Breakup Bounce Back email support. Follow Samantha on Instagram and Facebook for more relationship, dating, & love tips!